Ayres rock plan

The government have announced today plans to fund improvements to the area next the Clifford’s Tower. They are responding to a York Council campaign to create a “world class open space” on the area currently occupied by a car park.

Taking inspiration from another world class open space – the Australian outback – a multi storey car park would be established on the land. It would be cleverly designed to look like a natural rock outcrop and would provide a nostalgic destination for tourists from “down under”.

“Ayres Rock York” would incorporate other features aimed at addressing the responses to recent consultations. Many were concerned about the Arts. The proposals include;

· Performing arts -Kylie Minogue recordings would be played 24/7

· Live performances –   “Nigel Ayres greatest speech” at least once a month (may not be amplified).

· Re-enactments – Australian tourists would be issued with boomerangs which could be hurled at their Pommie equivalents manning the top of Cliffords Tower. (The issuing of spears to English tourists is under consideration)

· Visual arts – Aboriginal art found on a railway bridge in Holgate will be relocated

Cyclists are not forgotten. An ingenious lift – using waterpower from the adjacent river Foss – would haul cyclists to the summit of the rock. From there they would hurtle down a specially designed ramp which incorporates an upward curve at the end. Scientists estimate that nearly 99% would land on the other side of the river, thereby removing the need to build an expensive bridge.

Consultations are ongoing with the representatives of disabled groups about allowing mobility scooter drivers to use the launch ramp.

Further consultation on the plan will take place over the next year at which time an entirely different set of proposals will be tabled.

NB. The “My Castle Gateway” project has been renamed to “My Castle Outback”.  Castle Outback have commented that concluding consultation on the  Ayres Rock plans within 12 months will be “extremely challenging”.